
When Mel Robbins shared what she called the “Let Them Theory” on Instagram in May 2023, something fascinating happened. The post went viral, striking a chord with millions who recognised themselves in her words: “If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you’re really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them.”
Let’s unpack why this deceptively simple concept has caught fire, particularly among women who find themselves exhausted from the constant drain of trying to control outcomes.
Part One: The Liberation of Letting Go
At its core, the Let Them Theory addresses our exhausting compulsion to control outcomes. You know that feeling when you’re watching someone make what you think is a mistake, and every fibre of your being wants to jump in and fix it? That urge to manage everyone else’s decisions isn’t just draining – it’s fundamentally impossible.
Mel crystallised this realisation through her own story about trying to control her daughter’s prom experience – a six-month marathon of choosing dresses, shoes, handbags, venues for photos, pre-parties, post-parties, and corsages. Then came her son’s prom. One week’s notice. A last-minute date. No dinner reservations for twenty teenagers who planned to squeeze into a four-seat taqueria. And rain. Lots of rain.
The revelation came when her older daughter simply said, “Mum, let them.” In that moment, watching the kids laugh in the rain, completely unbothered by the lack of planning that had her tied in knots, she felt a weight lift from her shoulders. They were fine. More than fine – they were happy.
Part Two: The Power of Letting Me
But here’s where it gets fascinating – the theory doesn’t stop at “Let Them.” Its true power emerges in its second act: “Let Me.” This is where we witness the stark contrast between choosing responsibility and choosing self-absorption.
Consider two very different stories that emerged recently:
In London, the Makanjuola brothers, both 23, run a cleaning company called Makagroup. Instead of chasing trending content or viral moments, they chose to dedicate their spare time to cleaning neglected public spaces around London. No influencer partnerships, no sponsored content pushing cleaning products – just genuine community service that speaks for itself. Their impact? So profound that passersby stop to thank them during BBC interviews, recognising authentic contribution when they see it.
Meanwhile, in Queensland, an influencer named Veruca Salt recently shared her “no spend” challenge – attempting to reduce her monthly spending from $25,000 to what she considers a “budget” of $5,705. Her breakdown included $400 monthly on vapes, random subscription services she forgot about, and an admission that even this reduced budget was proving challenging to maintain. It’s what we might call “empty calories” in content form – temporarily engaging perhaps, but ultimately leaving us feeling hollow.
The Deeper Implications
This duality – Let Them/Let Me – offers a framework for authentic living in an age of constant comparison. When we truly let others be themselves, we create space to be ourselves. But that freedom comes with a choice: Will we use it to serve something larger than ourselves, like the Makanjuola brothers? Or will we remain caught in the exhausting cycle of performative living?
The theory’s brilliance lies in its applicability to both personal and professional life. In social media, for instance, we often see businesses churning out superficial content “because that’s what everyone seems to be doing.” The Let Them Theory offers permission to break free from this cycle. Let them post their shallow reels – you can choose to share work you’re genuinely proud of.
In our upcoming deep dive with David Olney when the Talking About Marketing podcast returns for Season 6, we’ll explore how this framework can transform not just our personal lives but our approach to business and community contribution. Because at its heart, the Let Them Theory isn’t just about letting go – it’s about choosing what to grab onto next.
For now, consider this: When we stop trying to control the uncontrollable, what do we want to do with that newly freed energy? Will we use it to clean neglected street signs or track forgotten subscriptions? The beauty of the theory is that it’s entirely our choice. And maybe that’s exactly the point.