The popularity of my most read blog post ever, How To Humblebrag On LinkedIn Like A Pro, has always perplexed me until I came across a Chinese proverb that put it into context today.
In his book, Wild Creature Mind, Steve Biddulph discusses the nuances of eastern proverbs when compared to western ones, citing this example: Too Much Humble Is Halfway Proud.
Can you see what the Chinese proverb writers were getting at?
Sometimes, our motivation for pushing the "humility" buttons is not noble at all, but rather a deceptive device for milking empathy and adoration from others.
Enter, LinkedIn.
How To Spot Humblebragging In Action
One point Biddulph makes strongly is that your wild creature mind can instinctively read someone before you have even processed the words.
So, if you have looked at a LinkedIn post and felt a disconnect between the thing being SAID and the actual message being DELIVERED, you've probably stumbled across some humblebragging.
In essence, the humblebrag "tries" to convince us that the author is really coming from a place of humility and rawness, but what they're actually serving up is a "hey, look at how awesome I am" message.
Charles Dickens' Uriah Heep is the poster child of this disease:
"I am well aware that I am the umblest person going," said Uriah Heep modestly, "let the other be where he may. My mother is likewise a very umble person. We live in an umble abode, Master Copperfield, but have much to be thankful for."
Out in the wild, on LinkedIn, it might read like this:
August was a crazy month! Six days of bliss in [insert overseas desintation], then ten days in quarantine with the spicy cough, then the launch of [insert new business venture], then post-viral (and yup, likely post-launch) fatigue, then birthday fun and shenanigans. And in the mix, delivering a new [insert title of new talk as not-so-subliminal sell] keynote and coaching exec teams to lift performance, connectedness and trust. I write this to remind us that people’s social media is filled with the bright and sparkly, but under the surface the wheels are invariably falling off in some way, shape or form. I write it to remind us that life is equal parts MARVELLOUS and MESSY. And I write it to remind us that perfection is an illusion. The promise of the possibility of perfection only adds to the pressure we already feel to be all the things to all the people, and to keep it all together all the time. How about we keep it real instead?
What's interesting about this quote is that it is supposedly claiming how "human" the writer is for getting Covid and for having fatigue (not just any fatigue but post-launch fatigue which slips in another brag) but what it really is doing is one big brag about how amazing their life is. No wonder my wild creature mind got confused by this one.
There are zero entrepreneurs in my family. For a long time I thought that meant I didn't have it in me to be one.I'm stoked I proved myself wrong. Your past doesn't dictate your future. I dare you to prove yourself wrong too 🙂 ----What's something that you never thought would be possible for you that is now your reality?
This one is an interesting twist. It is sounding like it is saying something about disadvantage from a place of care. Instead, it's just a brag, saying, look at how good I am. I am not only an entrepreneur but I got there against the odds. But, then the last question is tacked on to try to cover up the brag and make it look more like an earnest pondering.
There are few more exciting calls to receive than from the BBC News! I never thought the idea of [insert venture] for my [insert family member and list hashtags of their mental or physical condition], would go so viral. But we are delighted that it has, as it shows that:👉Society is better understanding [insert cause hashtag]. People are interested in different ways of thinking [insert cause hashtag]. There are lots of similar families to ourselves. [add another cause hashtag]. A [family member] and his [self-deprecating adjective] Dad have the power to [insert cause hashtag]. Who is with us? PS: When the BBC visit my house next week what should they know about [hashtag of cause]? What are your own stories that society should better understand?
This is another variation. This time, we no the brag is based on the simple excitement of having the BBC show interest in a story. But, any good humblebragger knows that you can't just stop at that, you need to dilute that by accepting the praise on behalf of everybody (at least in words). Plus, tack on a final question as further disguise.
Is It Wrong To Just Admit Being Proud?
I wonder if the followers of any of these people would have minded if they had just said, hey, I am really proud of something and I just wanted to bask in that for a bit.
And I don't mean the insidious humblebrag technique of saying how proud you are about the people who were co-presenting with you who to create an amazing event (translation - I was amazing, too), or proud of the opportunities provided by XYZ to enable me to claim this honour.
I just mean plain and simple honesty.
To be clear, I am not saying any of the people cited above are nasty or naughty. All I am saying is that the LinkedIn aquarium needs its water changed because there's a toxic bloom of inclination to humblebrag that is stifling actual, real, helpful, content from flourishing.
We should be open and honest about causes and flaws but they really are better held when face to face with people who can take action and can hold you to account if they sense you are going a bit self-indulgent.
I didn't imagine, having become an atheist many years ago, that I would ever end a business article with a bible verse, but I think this one nails the issue:
Jesus taught, “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen.” Matthew 6: 5-8