On the Matter of Privacy, Or, What One Must Know About Data in These Modern Times
“I have nothing to declare except my genius,” I once told customs officials. However, when it comes to data privacy, we find ourselves compelled to declare rather more. How tedious. And yet, how necessarily civilised.
A Preface on Our Digital Whereabouts
Our little corner of the internet resides at talkedaboutmarketing.com. How dreadfully obvious, I know, but one must begin somewhere.
On the Nature of Comments and Other Digital Utterances
When visitors grace us with their written thoughts (how charmingly Victorian of them), we collect certain data—rather like collecting calling cards, only more mathematical. This includes one’s IP address and something called a “browser user agent string”, which sounds far more exciting than it is. We use these to detect spam, because even in the digital age, one must maintain standards.
If you use Gravatar (a most peculiar service for those who wish their digital likeness to follow them about the internet), we shall know. Though I dare say, a well-crafted epigram would be far more memorable than any profile picture.
Regarding the Matter of Images
Should you choose to share images with us (and do be selective, darling), pray remember that location data is rather like an embarrassing relative—best left out of polite company. Any visitor with a modicum of technical knowledge can extract such information, and we simply cannot be held responsible for such indiscretions.
On Cookies (The Digital Sort, Not the Kind One Takes with Tea)
Cookies, unlike scandal, are necessary in modern society. They remember your details so you needn’t do so yourself—rather like a butler, only less judgmental. They last anywhere from two days to a year, depending on their particular social function.
A Word on Content from Other Establishments
We occasionally embed content from other websites—rather like inviting neighbours to one’s dinner party. Do be aware that they may observe your behaviour and gossip about it later. One simply cannot control the manners of others.
The Delicate Matter of Data Sharing
We are exceedingly discrete with your information, sharing it only when absolutely necessary or legally required. Rather like society gossip, we know exactly when to speak and when to maintain a dignified silence.
Regarding Your Rights (How Frightfully Democratic)
You may request a copy of your data at any time, rather like asking for the recipe of a particularly intriguing dish at a dinner party. You may also ask us to forget you entirely, though I must say, that seems rather dramatic.
A Final Note on Data Security
We protect your information with the same vigilance with which one guards one’s reputation in polite society. Though, as I’ve always said, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about at all.
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” The same might be said of privacy policies. We’ve attempted to make ours actually live a little.
Written on behalf of Oscar Wilde who was writing it on behalf of Talked About Marketing, with a raised eyebrow and a firm commitment to both style and substance.